Your lover is your choice, not your destiny.


According to the Chinese legend, the lunar matchmaker deity, Yue Lao (月老) ties an invisible red cord, connecting two separate individuals who are to eventually unite. These two persons are fated lovers, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never will break.

But is it really true? Out of the 7.363 billion people in this world, what are the chances that the one is simply out there? Is there really only one person we can truly spend the rest of our lives with to its full potential?

It’s a warm thought, isn’t it – that someone, somewhere is made for you, forever.

The thing is, there are so many people in this world. Each time we meet a new human being, we open up a bit more to the world. We grow with the people we choose to keep in our lives. We learn. We communicate.

In the wait of our fated lover, our hearts would be restless from craving “true” loveIt will leave us impatient from waiting for the ‘perfect’ moment, depleting our sense of independence, manipulating our reliance for happiness. Would it be worth the wait?

Research from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology notes that lovers who interpret relationships as destiny are actually the most unhappy, and more likely to split. When facing conflict, these significant others tend to be more dissatisfied and disappointed due to this idealistic view of fated love – being one’s reflection of the other, or “other half”.

Soulmates aren’t meant to be perfect mirrors, but one with cracks. Partners are meant to be different in ways where one can inspire and fuel growth in one another – growing by love, not the idea of love. What we think we want and fantasize is different from experiencing it in reality.

So ladies and gentlemen, forget those conventional fairy tales you read when you were six.

Inspiration for this post is from “Less Than One”, a video which “places a mathematical lens on the abstract idea of ‘finding one’s soulmate'”. Directed by Arturo Perez Jr., You can check it out here:

There’s also a website to calculate the possibility of finding your soulmate, and you can check it out here.


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